Service Above Self

A Great Lady Passes

Pamela Murphy, widow of WWII hero and actor, Audie Murphy, died peacefully at her home on April 8, 2010. She was the widow of the most decorated WWII hero and actor, Audie Murphy, and established her own distinctive 35 year career working as a patient liaison at the Sepulveda Veterans Administration hospital, treatingevery veteran who visited the facility as if they were a VIP.

Any soldier or Marine who came into the hospital got the same special treatment from her. She would walk the hallways with her clipboard in hand making sure her boys got to see the specialist they needed.

If they didn't, watch out. Her boys weren't Medal of Honor recipients or movie stars like Audie, but that didn't matter to Pam. They had served their country. That was good enough for her.  She never called a veteran by his first name. It was always "Mister." Respect came with the job.

"Nobody could cut through VA red tape faster than Mrs. Murphy," said veteran Stephen Sherman, speaking for thousands of veterans she befriended over the years. "Many times I watched her march a veteran who had been waiting more than an hour right into the doctor's office.  She was even reprimanded a few times, but it didn't matter to Mrs. Murphy. "Only her boys mattered. She was our angel." 

 Audie Murphy died broke in a plane crash in 1971, squandering millions of dollars on gambling, bad investments, and yes, other women.  "Even with the adultery and desertion at the end, he always remained my hero," Pam told me.  

She went from a comfortable ranch-style home in Van Nuys where she raised two sons to a small apartment - taking a clerk's job at the nearby VA to support herself and start paying off her faded movie star husband's debts.  At first, no one knew who she was. Soon, though, word spread throughthe VA that the nice woman with the clipboard was Audie Murphy's widow. It was like saying General Patton had just walked in the front door. Men with tears in their eyes walked up to her and gave her a hug.

"Thank you," they said, over and over.

The first couple of years, I think the hugs were more for Audie's memory as a war hero. The last 30 years, they were for Pam. 

 One year I asked her to be the focus of a Veteran's Day column for all the work she had done. Pam just shook her head no.

"Honor them, not me," she said, pointing to a group of veterans down the hallway. "They're the ones who deserve it."

The vets disagreed. Mrs. Murphy deserved the accolades, they said.  Incredibly, in 2002, Pam's job was going to be eliminated in budget cuts. She was considered "excess staff."  "I don't think helping cut down on veterans' complaints and showing them the respect they deserve, should be considered excess staff," she told me.  Neither did the veterans. They went ballistic, holding a rally for her outside the VA gates.  Pretty soon, word came down from the top of the VA. Pam Murphy was no longer considered "excess staff." 

 She remained working full time at the VA until 2007 when she was 87.  

"The last time she was here was a couple of years ago for the conference we had for homeless veterans," said Becky James, coordinator of the VA's Veterans History Project.   Pam wanted to see if there was anything she could do to help some more of her boys.  Pam Murphy was 90 when she died last week. What a lady.

 Dennis McCarthy, Los Angeles Times on April 15, 2010 

Strong Family Support Needed

More than forty years ago I watched my husband go off to the Vietnam war.  He spent two of the next four years flying combat missions over Viet Nam.  During that I and our two sons waited anxiously for the letters and infrequent calls, but most importantly we waited for his safe return.  During this time, we and the other military families kept the home fires burning.  We supported each other. We didn’t expect much from the rear echelon staff at the base.  What we did though was work very hard to keep our families together because we knew it was this stability that gave our husbands strength to continue.  In fact, of over 30 B-52 aircrews deployed from our base and in the four year period I do not remember one divorce.  Was this just a fluke?  I don’t think so.  I believe it was because we knew we were responsible for our own decisions and actions.  We knew it was about commitment.  We did this in the face of protestors at the gate and across the nation.  We did this in the face of losses as some of the husbands went down over North Vietnam. We did it because we knew in our hearts that an intact and supportive family was critically necessary.  The same is true today.

Fast forward to almost 30 years later and our two sons were flying combat missions over Kosovo.  There were still SAMs to dodge, but times had changed.  There were no protestors at the gate and our military was being honored and respected.  The internet was alive and well and almost daily contact with home was possible.  What did not changed was the need for strong families. What also did not change: our daughters-in-law and other spouses kept the home fires burning.  These families supported each other, and later, as the wars in the Gulf ensued, they did the same as their husbands and wives went back to war.  They did it because an intact and supportive family is as critically necessary today as much as it was then. 

But what has changed is the uncertainty of divorce.  Commitment to our oath of marriage changed.

But the foundations of our society did not change.  We still need strong stable families.

I am not saying that better pay and care of our troops is not necessary.  I am not saying that we don’t need to honor our troops.  I am not saying that caring for our veterans is not necessary.  What I am saying is that what makes our nation secure are the dedicated troops backed by strong, intact families.  And it is not just the families of our troops that are critical.  It is every family in this country.  

The single most important factor that defines the success of our country is an intact family.  This is true no matter what you use to measure it.  To paraphrase an old adage, intact families are by any measure, healthier, wealthier, and wiser.  

Extreme - Radical

It is a well-known tactic to label those with whom you do not agree.  You hear it attached to the right wing usually accompanied by extreme or radical.

Just what does it mean to be extreme?  According to the dictionary extreme is “furthest from the center or given point.  Let’s look at some results of polls taken here in America.

86% believe in God

78% believe in Jesus Christ

87% believe in voluntary student-led prayer

67% believe define marriage between one man and one woman.

Over half of Americans identify themselves as pro-life.

So Christians who believes in marriage between one man and one woman and respect life are in the center of American opinion.  Who is extreme?

And radical is defined as “advocating thorough or complete political reform.”  What is so radical about supporting marriage as a man and a woman?  Isn't joining together to create the next generation the natural order of the life cycle?